SLOW ISN'T AN OPTION.

Our web servers are faster than your excuses for low traffic.

Ignite Your Website

BLAZING-FAST NVME

We use NVMe SSDs that are so fast, your database will return results before you finish typing the query. We're not sure how. It might be witchcraft.

INSTANT DEPLOYMENT

Click the "buy" button and your plan is set up. We've already provisioned the server you're *thinking* about buying. No, seriously. Check your email. (Okay, not really. But it's close.)

PANEL (HAMSTER-CERTIFIED)

We give you a Plesk panel that was designed by humans, for humans. And also for Sir Reginald, our office hamster. He manages his seed inventory on it. He's very productive.

PLANS TO FUEL YOUR FIRE

No nonsense, just power. Pick your heat level.

EMBER

"Warm, cozy, and aggressively not slow."

€?.??/mo
  • Web: 5 GB
  • Email: 5 GB
  • Websites: 1
  • Databases: 1
  • Email Accounts: 5
  • SSL: Free (because duh)
Get Ember

BLAZE

“I accidentally built a second project.”

€?.??/mo
  • Web: 10 GB
  • Email: 10 GB
  • Websites: 3
  • Databases: 3
  • Email Accounts: 25
  • SSL: Free (Still duh)
Get Blaze
Most Popular

INFERNO

“My website does numbers now.”

€?.??/mo
  • Web: 25 GB
  • Email: 25 GB
  • Websites: 5
  • Databases: 10
  • Email Accounts: 100
  • SSL: Free (Obviously)
Get Inferno

HELLFIRE

“I build five things at once because my brain is loud.”

€??.??/mo
  • Web: 50 GB
  • Email: 50 GB
  • Websites: 10
  • Databases: 20
  • Email Accounts: 125
  • SSL: Free (You get it)
Get Hellfire

SUPERNOVA

“I want ALL the storage and I fear nothing.”

€??.??/mo

(or €??.??/mo yearly)

  • Web: 100 GB
  • Email: 100 GB
  • Websites: 20
  • Databases: 40
  • Email Accounts: 150
  • Vibe: Overkill-as-a-service
Get Supernova

THE FLAMER MANIFESTO

Our unbreakable laws. (And one about hamsters.)

I. SLOW ISN'T A SIN, IT'S *ASH*.

A slow website is just the ashes of a good idea. We treat latency like it's flammable—which, around here, it is. We eradicate it with extreme prejudice (and overpowered, liquid-cooled CPUs).

II. TALK TO HUMANS, NOT COLD BOTS.

You will never be #8473 in a queue. You'll talk to a real nerd who's *actually on fire*... with passion for solving your problem. Probably. (We keep fire extinguishers handy.)

III. "LUKEWARM" IS NOT IN OUR VOCABULARY.

"Good enough" is not good enough. We believe in hardware so powerful it's practically *thermonuclear*. Your 5-page portfolio site deserves nothing less than overkill.

IV. KEEP A COOL HEAD (LIKE SIR REGINALD).

If our office hamster, Sir Reginald, can't use the panel, it's too complicated. He's our chief of *not* burning the building down. A very cool-headed professional.

A MOMENT OF HONESTY

Look, you're going to give us your money. We're going to give you a server. Let's not overcomplicate it. But since you scrolled this far, here's a button. We recommend not pressing it.

THE FLAMER DIFFERENCE

(Why we're just... hotter.)

The "Feature" "THEM" (The Other Guys) "US" (The Chosen Ones)
Hardware Anemic processor from 2015 A CPU that will one day be self-aware
Support Team A grumpy bot named "Brenda" Actual nerds who know what a .htaccess is
Load Time You can go make a sandwich. And eat it. So low it's basically precognition
Control Panel Designed by a committee of cyborgs Clean, simple, hamster-approved
Vibe Sterile, corporate, soulless Caffeine, memes, and too much power

FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS

And some we just made up to look smart.

ARE YOU STILL HERE?

Your future of flawless website glory is one click away. Don't screw it up.

Fine, I'll Buy It